


"Whatever you do, Neal, please for once listen to me, and stay in the car."

by frostfalcon



Category: White Collar
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-25
Updated: 2010-03-25
Packaged: 2017-10-08 07:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostfalcon/pseuds/frostfalcon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was originally done for the LJ CollarKink meme, it's got some bad words, violence, and sexual situations... If anyone these things bother you please refrain from reading this. Enjoy the story...</p><p>7/29/2011 Edit - I went back through and corrected some grammar errors and a few typo's. I really wish my formatting didn't keep vanishing....</p>
    </blockquote>





	"Whatever you do, Neal, please for once listen to me, and stay in the car."

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally done for the LJ CollarKink meme, it's got some bad words, violence, and sexual situations... If anyone these things bother you please refrain from reading this. Enjoy the story...
> 
> 7/29/2011 Edit - I went back through and corrected some grammar errors and a few typo's. I really wish my formatting didn't keep vanishing....

"Whatever you do, Neal, please for once listen to me, and stay in the car."

 

They had been chasing down leads for days and finally it had paid off, they had Julian Devereux cornered and back up had arrived all they needed to do was arrest him. Julian wasn’t known for playing nicely and to say that he and Neal had a bit of an adversarial past was putting it mildly. Julian had taken a few shots at Neal in the past and missed but it was a close thing. Peter wanted to make sure that Neal was out of harms way and out of sight when they brought Julian in.  
“Whatever you do, Neal, please for once listen to me, and stay in the car.” Peter ordered Neal.  
“I will, believe me. I have no intention of letting that homicidal lunatic near me.” Neal assured Peter and he just tilted his hat over his face and leaned back to wait for the all clear, in all actuality he’d rather be at the office filing then anywhere near Julian. Peter knew that he had tried to kill Neal at one time but he didn’t know the whole story and Neal would just as soon keep it that way.

Peter and the rest of the team headed off to make their arrest and Neal waited patiently, when it seemed like things were going too long he moved his hat to take a peek. It looked like they were inside and nothing had happened yet. As curious as Neal was he remembered his history with Julian and his words to Peter and just waited and hoped things were going well. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, he wasn’t really good at the waiting thing when he didn’t know what was going on and so he opened his eyes took a deep cleansing breath and pulled out his phone and checked his e-mail, twitter and then considered updating his Facebook status and discarded that idea for a quick game of Bejeweled Blitz to take his mind off the fact the still nothing was happening. Distracting himself was working so well that during the fourth game and his highest score yet he actually jumped when the driver side window shattered and a hand reached in and opened the locked door from the inside, Neal scrambled to try and get the seat belt off and get out of the car as Julian brushed the broken glass to the floor and climbed in while he aimed a very large looking gun at him, it looked like it was a small cannon and that made Neal very apprehensive, he should never have listened to Peter, but no he had to try and stay out of harm’s way and this is what he got for being a good pet convict, he could see his life flashing before his eyes as tried not to panic.

“Neal, nice to see you again. Let’s go for a ride since the FBI was so polite as to leave the keys in the ignition and provide me with you.” He said as he started the car and drove off with Neal quietly praying that Peter would find him before something really bad happened and that he’d never have to stay in the car again.

Neal looked back to see the agents come running out of the building in time to watch them drive away. He hoped that Peter wouldn’t be to upset with him, after all he did just as he asked at look where it got him. He knew that Peter would have the presence of mind to call in and have his anklet tracked as soon as he could so that should make a rescue pretty quick as well as the GPS in the car. As long as Julian didn’t kill him right away he might get out of this alive, and hopefully unscathed.

“Neal, be a darling and toss your phone out the window would you? and while your at it I know you have a tracking anklet so we’re going to have to loose that to before we change cars. I might not have had it planned to go down like this but I think this was just the serendipity I needed to change my luck.” Julian said as Neal tossed his phone and looked at the anklet and for the first time felt like he really wanted to keep it on.

Julian pulled into a parking garage and got out of the car still aiming the gun at Neal, and gestured for him to get out as well. He put his arm around Neal’s waist under his jacket, the gun pressed into Neal’s side hidden by the jacket, Neal considered trying to make a run for it. The bullet might not kill him too quickly he might get to a hospital in time, it would be worth the risk to get away from the sadist he knew Julian could be. He tried to plan the best direction to run when Julian open the door of an older car and pushed him in. Then he got out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed Neal’s hands behind his back, he did it one handed while still holding the gun and made the maneuver look easy and graceful. Neal didn’t want to contemplate how often he must have done this to have such a move down. The car door was closed and Julian got in the other side reached in to the glove box and got out a knife and slit off the tracker and opened a small but painful cut in Neal’s leg during the process. He tossed the tracker away and drove off with Neal, Julian might have had to run but he’d finally get a little payback on Caffrey and the FBI. He laughed a bit to himself and drove off leaving all the easy methods of finding Neal behind.

They drove for a while and got on the Henry Hudson Parkway at seventy sixth street and headed out of the city. Neal tried to keep calm and figure out a way to escape. He’d spent time with Julian before and not by choice The first time they met Julian had tried to seduce Neal and when Neal said no Julian reacted badly and kidnapped Neal and kept him prisoner and tried to take what he wanted by force. It was only by amazing luck he’d gotten free and made it to New York and the safety of Mozzie’s place. Mozzie found a nurse practitioner that was willing to patch up the worst of damage Julian had done and Neal just stayed out of sight until they heard Julian had left for Brussels. Julian almost got what he wanted from Neal that time, the next time the ran into each other Julian didn’t even try to grab Neal he just pulled out a gun and tried to shoot him, he’d shouted something about how no one leaves him and if he couldn’t have Neal no one could. Peter knew about the attempted shooting but not the reasons behind it, he had let Peter believe is was about some sort of job gone wrong and not something more personal, Neal had some things that he wanted to keep private.

They got on the Saw Mill River parkway and headed through Yonkers and then on to the Taconic State Parkway and kept going north. Neal didn’t know the area outside the city as well as he knew Manhattan, he guessed they were headed towards Albany, he tried to quietly get himself out of the cuffs but in a moving car with his hands behind his back and trying not to get noticed doing it but an obsessive psycho wasn’t making it as easy as it could be. He was also trying to keep an eye on where they were so if he got a message to Peter he’d be able to give them a location.  
Julian got off the parkway about an hour or so north of the city and got on an interstate route, Neal made sure he memorized the number eighty seven and that they were headed west towards Pennsylvania. This wasn’t good Neal thought as Julian got his phone out of his pocket and made a call to meet up with some of his contacts, Neal heard him make arrangements for another car and some supplies and his spare “kit”, Julian said that with a very wicked looking smirk and looked over at Neal. Neal’s blood felt like it had turned to ice and the all the possible scenarios that his future could hold made him really consider trying to make the leap from the car at speed but he was sure that before he got the cuffs off, the seat belt unclipped and the door open Julian could shoot him a few times before he hit the pavement. This was not looking good, he should never had listened to Peter and stayed in the car. Neal leaned his head back and tried to pray for something, anything to happen, right now a state trooper pulling them over would be wonderful.

***  
Peter was trying to keep calm, Neal finally listens to him and stays in the car and the damn car gets stolen by the one person he knew wanted to kill Neal, now that Wilkes was out of the picture. He would laugh if Neal’s life wasn’t at stake, the absurdity of the situation was shoving his nose in the fact that in trying to keep Neal safe he made him a hostage to a man that had tried to end his life. He had the marshals closing in on the location where the anklet was cut which happened to be the same place the GPS said his car was. He had a crime scene team on the way too just in case there was some sort of clue to lead to Devereux, he was hoping that clue wouldn’t turn out to be Neal’s body. He had called the office and they were trying to track down anyplace Devereux might run to, any aliases he might have and any known associates. He spent some time trying to figure out how Devereux had gotten out of the building and to the car before they could catch him. This whole situation was too much of a mess and now he had to try to find Neal, explain to Hughes how they got Neal kidnapped and the worst thing, letting El, June and Mozzie know that Neal was missing. He went back to the office there was nothing more he could do standing here where his partner and friend was taken.

The crime scene people found Neal’s tracker cut with some blood on it, presumably Neal’s and Neal’s phone scratched and the screen cracked from having been tossed out of the car. There was nothing to hint where he had been taken, they did find that a car was stolen from the same parking garage that they found Peter’s car and they were able to trace that to a rest stop off route eighty seven just over the Pennsylvania border. They found traces of blood in the car, Devereux’s prints where all over and they found Neal’s Mastercard tucked in the crease of the front passenger seat. Peter was glad for that, it let him know that not only was Neal still alive he was trying to leave a trail.

Peter got a hold of El and June with ease and June had a way to contact Mozzie, needless to say El and June were afraid for Neal, but Mozzie after hearing what had happened from June showed up and Peter’s house in an absolute panic. El called Peter and told him he should get home right away and then made a cup of tea for Mozzie and tried to get him to breathe and slow down since the torrent of words weren’t really making sense. He seemed very upset and she understood but she had confidence in Neal’s ability to look after himself. When Peter got there they’d get the story from Mozzie, she just hoped it was fast before Mozzie had a stroke or something.

“Peter! I am so glad your home. He’s not making much sense, hopefully you can get the story out of him.” El said as she gave her husband a hug and they sat down in the living room.  
“I don’t care what you do, you need to get him back as soon as you can. They have a history and it’s not good. You can’t let him be alone with Neal too long or even f we get him back we may never get him back, Julian is a monster he’s tried for Neal before.” Mozzie said in a rush.  
“Slow down, I know they’ve met before and Devereux tried to kill Neal, so far he’s alive and leaving a trail. As long as he’s alive we can get him back.” Peter said trying to find a way to calm Mozzie down.  
“You don’t understand, Julian tried to kill Neal the second time they met. He never told you about the first time? It took weeks for the marks to fade and his ribs to heal and he was lucky, he escaped before Julian got what he wanted.” Mozzie told Peter and El who both were looking even more upset then they had been and a bit sick.  
“Julian had seen Neal at some gathering at a small upscale gallery in Danbury and when Neal politely rejected his advances he followed Neal back to the hotel where he was staying and grabbed him from the parking lot. He basically beat the crap out of Neal and tried to force him into a sexual relationship.” Mozzie kept telling his story and El had a gleam of fresh tears in her eyes listening to what he was saying.  
“Neal ended up getting lucky, Julian overbalanced on the edge of the bed while he was trying to force Neal and Neal’s struggles knocked him off the bed, and Julian slammed his head on the floor as he fell. Neal grabbed what was left of his clothes and hot wired Julian’s car and took off while Julian was stunned. He showed up at my place a few hours later. He had lost the car and was on foot and looking like hell. I called a friend to look after him and as far as we could tell he was in shock and when he ran out of gas just kept walking. Julian has been obsessed with Neal on and off since then.” Mozzie finished the story and El was not even trying to stop the tears from falling and Peter looked like he was going to kill Devereux when they found him.  
“I’m going to call the office and see if they found anything else and Moz if you can think of anything or know anyone that may have an idea where he’d take Neal, tell El and she’ll get word to me. We’re getting him back.” Peter stated as he grabbed his phone to get the latest news.  
“Moz, I know this is hard, but if Peter says they’ll find him, they will. No one is better at finding Neal.” El said trying to reassure herself as much as him.  
“But will it be soon enough?” Moz asked, and no one could answer that question. Mozzie had finally calmed down enough to get home and start doing what he could for Neal. Some one he knew might have a way to contact Devereux and if they could find the slimmest lead then they were that much closer to getting Neal back, hopefully untouched. Moz had heard the stories of what Devereux was capable of, he had done some research and what he found out made him cringe. Neal had called Julian a monster and that was putting it mildly.

***

Neal felt dread crawling up his spine the first time he got away from Julian he did a little research and was happy that their next meeting was short, Neal dodged a few bullets and dove into the Hudson river to get away. They stopped just over the Pennsylvania border where they meet three of Julian’s associates. He was still cuffed but managed to slide one of his credit cards out of his wallet and into the seat. He wanted to leave a trail for them to follow hopefully the Peter and FBI weren’t that far behind.

“Now that I have my things and a vehicle that isn’t stolen I can take care of you properly. I’ve been thinking about you for a long time and you wouldn’t believe how glad I am that I didn’t kill you when I had the chance. I’ve had a few years to contemplate what I was going to do to you when I got you back. I was going to wait until after your time with the FBI was up so no one would look for you right away but this was just too easy to pass up.” Julian said as he had one of his associates open the passenger side door and unbuckle the seatbelt as the others kept a close eye on Neal and made sure he knew they were armed. Julian motioned to the men to escort Neal to the waiting vehicle. They got to the rather non descript silver minivan and sat him on the middle seat. Julian reached into the bag and found a small hard case and took it out, he made sure Neal could see it as he opened it and there cushioned in grey foam was a syringe and a vial of something Neal didn’t recognize. Julian readied the injection and motioned for one of the men to get Neal’s arm ready, since his hands were still cuffed the guy just forced him to sit side ways and slit up his jacket and shirt sleeves.  
“You know Julian, you could just leave me here and make your get away. The FBI will probably take the time to make sure I’m fine before they chase you. It would give you a better chance to get away. I’d even misdirect them for you, you don’t really want to do this.” Neal said not really expecting it to help but every second he could keep that needle out of his arm and keep them form moving was a second that brought Peter closer to finding him, or at least he hoped that was the case.  
Julian just made sure there weren’t any bubbles in the syringe and gave Neal a predatory smile before he had the guys hold him still for the injection. Neal felt the needle enter his arm and he looked away, he might have mumbled “not again” before the world felt disconnected and floaty and then went away altogether.  
They laid him out on the seat and tossed a blanket over him so it just looked like he had fallen asleep on a road trip in case anyone looked in the window. Then they left the parking lot and drove within the speed limit to a house that Julian had purchased in the name of one of his aliases. He hadn’t planned on grabbing Neal, but having him just fall into his hands like this, he knew it was fate that Neal would be his. He had to get the house readied to hold Neal but he had enough various drugs to he could use to give him the time to do it right. He had plans and keeping someone as slippery as Neal, well he was sure he could do it, at least until he was broken enough to not try to run.

When they arrived at the old farmhouse he had purchased they carried Neal into the house and secured him spread-eagle on the bed so he couldn’t try and reach the cuffs that held him. Julian had enough experience that his “toys” were of the best quality and he was very sure of his techniques for holding unwilling people just where he wanted them. It would still be a few hours before Neal woke anyway so he had two of his men stay behind and he and the third took a run to the local home improvement super center to pick up a few things to make sure their guest didn’t make a break for it, on the way they stopped at the grocery store and stocked up on essentials and a few luxuries Julian wanted.  
When they got back to the house they started making a room for Neal in the basement. Like most old houses in Pennsylvania, it used to be heated with coal and the old coal storage room was perfect with just a few updates. It was all concrete with a tiny window that used to be where they shoveled coal into the house, it would be covered with sturdy steel bars and was almost too small for Neal to squeeze out of in the first place. The room itself was just big enough for a twin sized mattress and the sink/toilet unit that he’d install in the corner, it would call for some small holes in the concrete but nothing more then six inches in diameter, so no chance of escape there. The door was just a sheet of plywood but they fitted a steel security door in it’s place with the knob, locks and hinges all on the outside. They also put in a deadbolt and a security bar, Julian wasn’t going to let his new toy get away. There were a few other surprises but those could wait for a until Neal was awake and could appreciate them.  
In the couple of days it took them to clean and convert the room into Neal’s new home they kept him sedated, only letting him wake up enough to eat, drink and go to the bathroom. Julian figured he’d keep Neal sedated for a while cutting back a little at a time so he was used to waking up in his room and giving it a long time to sink in. He thought it would add to Neal’s terror being helpless the first few days locked up and that made him excited. He had so many plans and he couldn’t wait to get them underway.

***  
Peter managed to come up with several of Devereux’s aliases and had a number of properties that they owned he just had to find the right one and hope that they found Neal at one of them. The whole office was working diligently around the clock with a few breaks for cat naps and coffee. They had a list of ten known aliases and multiple properties for all of them. Three days after Neal had been taken Mozzie called El and gave her another four names to have Peter check, those four also had a few properties associated with them.  
Every day that they didn’t have Neal was one day closer to losing him forever and they all knew it. Neal hadn’t left any more clues for them, they really needed a lead in this case soon or someone was going to have a melt down, so far they were helping each other deal with it but the worry and imagining what was happening to Neal while they searched was really getting to them. Mozzie was close to a breakdown, El was having nightmares and was weepy, and Peter was sure that he was getting an ulcer.

****  
Neal felt hazy as he woke up, and this time he was totally awake not the dreamy partial awake state they had him in to make sure he ate. He opened his eyes and almost cried when he looked around. Bare concrete walls with a tiny barred window just below the concrete ceiling. He could see the door was a steel security door with no knob and all the hardware on the outside. There was a steel shackle around his ankle where his tracker used to be and it was pad locked to a chain that was bolted to the wall, they had taken all his clothes except his boxer briefs and he could see nothing that he could use as a lock pick. In short unless he was rescued he was fucked, quite literally if Julian hadn’t changed his plans. He used the toilet and washed his hands. At least he would have access to a sink and Julian was nice enough to leave him some soap and a towel. He cleaned up as best as he could, he wasn’t very steady on his feet, considering he’d been sedated for who knows how long he sort of expected that. He had also expected to find Julian had already taken his pleasure but that hadn’t happened yet as far as he could tell. There were decadently soft sheets and pillows on his mattress, the towel was soft and fluffy and the soap was very high quality, Neal surmised that Julian wanted to be comfortable when he took what he wanted.  
Neal tried to be brave but the idea of being Julian’s sex toy until he was rescued or Julian got tired of him was almost enough to make him cry in futility. The door opened and there stood his personal nightmare, Julian dressed to the nines and looking like the cat that ate the canary, and he was the next caged bird on the menu.  
“Neal, my pet, I’m going to lay down the rules and demonstrate what happens when you break them, as I know you will.” Julian said as he looked over his prize. His eyes lingering on Neal’s taut stomach.  
“What do you want Julian? You’ve had me at your mercy for a while now, why haven’t you finished what you started? Not that I want to rush you or anything.” Neal asked as he considered backing away but decided to stand his ground instead.  
“I jumped the gun last time, this time I’m not going to fuck you until I know you won’t say no. That’s not to say that I’m not going to do other things to your body, but until you ask or rather beg I won’t go there. I want you to be broken and trained before I take you. This time I’m going to take my time and do it right.” Julian said and savored the look on Neal’s face, he managed to make him look terrified, he could just imagine all the things that Neal was thinking of happening to his body. Sometimes the threat of torture was scarier then the actual act, Julian was looking forward to the act. He had the rest of the basement setup for the sole purpose of breaking Neal and making him beg to be used like the slut Julian would turn him into.  
“Shall we take a look at your new home my pet?” Julian said as he pulled a pair of steel manacles out and waited for Neal to extend his wrists. “I suggest you don’t dawdle you won’t like the punishment for that.” Julian added and this time Neal held out his wrists. The manacles were locked in place and then fastened together. Julian unlocked the chain from his ankle and led Neal out into the rest of the basement. It looked like a cross between a S&amp;M club and a medieval torture chamber with a hot tub and shower stall in the corner. Neal felt ill and then started to panic and hyperventilate, he had to get a hold of himself, Julian just smiled and led him to the center of the room so he could see everything. Then he clipped the manacles to a chain that was hanging in the center of the room and raised it up drawing Neal’s arms up over his head.  
“So what do you think? This is all for you. I hope you like the work I put into it. I spared no expense, it’s all top quality and the sturdiest equipment available, some of it’s custom made for you. I had a few days while you slept to get to done.” Julian said as he walked around Neal. He was smiling that predatory smile again and Neal was hoping that Peter would burst though the door any minute and take him away from this. Julian walked over to a cabinet and opened it up and Neal could see all manner of “toys” in it.  
Julian took out two wooden boxes and a knife and brought them over and set them down on a counter top near where Neal was chained up. He used the knife to remove Neal’s boxer briefs, leaving him totally nude.  
“These are for you, I hope you like them.” Julian said as he opened the first box, it was the mate of the shackle on his ankle. He closed it around Neal’s ankle and gave it a kiss. “and now for the best part!” he said as he stood and reached for the other box and withdrew what looked like a solid circle of steel.  
“Someday I hope you willing accept my collar, I will properly break you and you will ask me for it just as you’ll ask me to fuck you, but for now I’m going to collar you anyway. You will learn that you’re mine and that it was destiny that brought us together.” he said as he opened the hidden hinge on the collar and then closed it and used a hex key to tighten the inset screw so the collar looked like one solid piece.  
Neal shivered and kept his head held high, if Julian wanted him broken then he’d get a fight the entire way. The longer he could held himself together the more likely it would be that Peter found him reasonably intact or so he hoped, looking around he was almost wishing that he had been killed the second time Julian caught up to him. He tried to keep thinking that where there’s life there’s hope and at this moment his hopes were pinned on Peter. He’d keep looking and not give up, Neal would stay strong as long as he could, and he’d keep his eyes open incase the was a way to rescue himself. Julian might got distracted or something and leave him and opening and then he’d slip away.  
“Since your just hanging around, want to have some fun?” Julian asked as he grabbed a flogger from the toy cabinet.  
Neal groaned and tried to be ready for the first blow, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be, he could take this, he thought to himself as the flogger struck all over his back, ass and thighs, it hurt but it wasn’t that bad. Julian paused and added a blindfold, and then continued flogging him. Then there was another pause as Julian caressed Neal’s heated skin and enjoyed to way Neal’s body had gone all red and pink where the flogger landed. He kept touching Neal stroking and against his wishes Neal started to get hard, Julian touched him and stroked him and soon he was totally hard and Julian added a cock ring. Neal was now flushing in embarrassment as well as the flush from the flogging, he was disappointed in his body’s betrayal he knew it was just an autonomic response but he still didn’t like it.  
He heard Julian walk away and then return, he had hoped he was just going to leave but he knew he had just changed toys when he heard and then felt the sting of a crop on his ass, it hurt more then the flogger and after a while he couldn’t keep silent and yelped as Julian kept on hitting him.  
“That’s more like it! Make some noise I want to hear you.” Julian said as he continued to layer blows of the crop over Neal’s ass. “Scream for me!” Julian shouted. There was another pause and then a swish and a searing pain across his ass. He screamed he wasn’t sure what Julian was using now but every time it connected with his skin he couldn’t help but scream, it felt like it had gone on forever but eventually Julian stopped and touched his cock still erect and trapped by the cock ring. Neal didn’t even care about that anymore, he was sure that he must be bleeding and missing all the skin from his ass to his knees. He was sobbing and his throat hurt from screaming, if this was the alternative to getting fucked by Julian maybe he should give in, but knowing what he knew of Julian he’d probably keep doing this as well as fucking him, Julian was a monster and Neal just had to remember what he knew of Julian to know that if he gave in it would be worse, Julian wanted to break him and he’d get bored with a broken toy and Julian wasn’t the kind of man to let anyone have his toy even if it was broken, if Neal wanted to live though this he had to not break and keep Julian amused, but was living worth this? Neal was wondering if it was… he could take the easy way out but that wasn’t his style and there was still Peter, El and Mozzie out there looking for him, coming to save him. He had to keep himself going for them. Once he was safe he could break down they would take care of him, he’d stay strong long enough to be saved. He kept telling himself that until he was able to believe it.  
He felt Julian touch him and then he started stroking him, the ring was removed and Julian stroked him until he came. Neal passed out when he came his nerves and brain just shut down, he didn’t even notice when Julian carried him back to his room, reattached the chain to his ankle and then rubbed some salve onto his skin. There were just a few places were he had broken skin, it felt a lot worse then it looked, Julian was good at inflicting pain with minimal damage. As Neal slept Julian held him, and thought how everything was going according to his plan. He thought about how easy it would be to take what he wanted to from Neal and that collar around his neck just made him look so sexy and vulnerable, but he wanted, no he needed Neal to beg for it. Neal rejected him once so now he had to beg him and make up for that rejection. So he just held Neal for now and waited for him to wake up so he could take care of him and comfort him. He knew how to break someone it was a matter of making them rely on you for everything and well, after a while he could train Neal to respond to pain as well as pleasure. He was going to take his time and properly train Neal to be his prefect partner and then he’d had that beauty for himself and with luck he’d have his brilliance at his beck and call too.  
Neal came to all at once and realized he was being held and stroked by Julian, he was confused by this action, shouldn’t he have been locked up and left to heal up for round two?  
“You’re awake, feeling better? I took care of your back, we can’t have you permanently marked now can we?” Julian asked as he kept gently stroking Neal like a lover would. Then he leaned over and kissed Neal’s cheek, and said goodnight and got up covered Neal with the blanket and left locking the door behind him. Neal just lay there and finally cried himself to sleep.

The next morning he woke up alone and there was a toothbrush and toothpaste sitting in the sink. He thought about it and he wasn’t really sure when he had last brushed his teeth, showered or ate, he was pretty sure Julian had him drink a bottle of water last night but it wasn’t really clear, had he been drugged again? He still had no clue how long he’d been held here, his body ached and yesterday was the only day he had a clear memory of. He got up and looked at the sheets, no blood so his back wasn’t as raw as he thought it was. He used the toilet, washed up and brushed his teeth and once that was done he sat back down on the bed, there was nothing to do in this tiny room, even the view out of the window was obscured by the bars and what looked like a small pine tree. He wonder if letting him sit around bored was part of Julian’s plan. He hoped that he’d get something to eat soon too, he’d love a cup of coffee. He tried to work out an escape plan but everything that came to mind hinged on being on the other side of the door. He didn’t have anything to pick the lock with and even if he did all the hardware was on the other side of the door, the widow was barred, tiny and as it turned out nailed shut, he could break it but that wouldn’t get him out of the room unless he used a shard to… better not to think about taking that way out yet, he wasn’t that desperate.

***

Peter and the rest of the team managed to narrow down where they thought Neal was being held to six locations thanks to the information the Mozzie had dug up. They had to be discrete in checking as they didn’t want to tip off Devereux, if he moved Neal they’d have to start over again and it had already been five days and that was five days too many.  
They were being cautious, they came up with a plan and had the team picked out for the rescue, when they knew which location they were raiding they’d let the local authorities know and have local EMS alerted too since they were anticipating that Neal would need medical help and that Julian and his accomplices would fight if they didn’t have a clear exit route. As much as it wasn’t in his nature he hoped that Julian would catch a bullet someplace fatal, like his head, it would solve the problem of him eventually getting out of prison and hunting down Neal again.  
The next few hours would tell where the team was headed. El and Mozzie were ready to go incase they had to make a trip to the hospital to be with Neal. There would be no way to keep them from going so they may as well be ready to go at a moments notice. June had packed a bag with some of Neal’s things so he had his own clothing and dropped it off with El. This whole week was one he wished he could do over. He would have left Neal at the office or something, he doubted he’d ever be able to tell him to stay in the car without feeling like he was making a mistake and Neal would probably never listen to that order again anyway.

***  
After what felt like a few hours Julian opened the door and set down a tray with an egg over medium, a piece of toast and a cup of black coffee in front of Neal. Neal just looked at it.  
“Go ahead it’s for you. After breakfast we can take a shower and then figure out what to do with the rest of the day. I have some ideas but if you have a suggestion I like maybe I’ll change my mind.” Julian said as he nudged the tray closer. Neal hesitated a moment more and then started to eat. It wasn’t what he would have normally eaten but he wasn’t really given a choice and if he was going to escape or be rescued he had to keep up his strength. The coffee was decent and he’d have liked some milk and sugar with it but at least it was something.  
“It’s only polite to thank me, Neal have you forgotten your manners? That isn’t nice of you. Now let’s get you showered off and find something to amuse ourselves, shall we?” Julian said as he locked Neal’s wrists together and unlocked the ankle chain, then led him to the shower stall. Neal noticed it was stocked with his usual shampoo, conditioner and body wash. Then he noticed there was a chain for attached his wrists here too and Julian secured him there. He really didn’t like this one bit as Julian stepped out of the stall after making sure he was secure and stripped, then he got in and started the shower and proceeded to clean Neal’s body. This wasn’t too bad at least he wasn’t being rough and Neal had to admit that being clean was helping him to feel better. The scent of the bath products helped him imagine he was in his own bathroom and that the gentle hands of a lover were washing his hair and body. He closed his eyes and tried to let the fantasy take him away, he felt himself relax and then there was a hint of being off balance and the fantasy took over, he realized for a few seconds that he’d been given something, probably in breakfast, before realty faded and he couldn’t think he could only feel and what he felt was pleasant. The warm water and the hands carefully taking care of him helped him fall further into the fantasy and he just floated in a mental haze and let it happen.  
Julian smiled and savored the feeling of Neal’s skin as he touched and rubbed and washed him. He could tell when the drugs started to kick in as Neal became more relaxed and pliant in his hands. He was able to get him washed, shaved and dried off and then led him back to his bed where he cuddled closed and just stroked and petted him. The drugs made him suggestible and it was easy to imagine that Neal was being this way willingly for him. He still wouldn’t take his pleasure from Neal’s tight ass, not while he was drugged Neal had to be ready, willing and begging for him before he’d do that but for now Julian would play and pet and hopefully Neal would remember the pleasure he was getting and associate it with being in bed with Julian. This was a long term plan so he had to be patient. He had a few hours until the drugs wore off so he whispered endearments to Neal as he stroked him and eventually made him come. As he came Neal whispered a name but it wasn’t Julian, so Julian whispered his name to Neal and stroked him and kissed him and gently treated him like a lover while reinforcing the fact that it was Julian that was giving him this gift. When Neal was able too, Julian stroked him to completion again and this time Neal didn’t whisper anyone’s name, Julian took it as a small victory even though it wasn’t his name at least it wasn’t anyone else’s either.  
A few hours later Neal started to come back to his senses and found himself alone but clean, shaven and feeling pleasant until the reality of where he was came back. He looked around and realized the last really clear memory he had was breakfast. His back still ached from the punishment it hade taken the day before but he could tell that so far Julian had kept his promise not to have sex with him until he asked. He didn’t really have time to consider what was going on or how long he’d been floating on whatever Julian had used when the man came in.  
“Ready for round two?” Julian asked and Neal cringed with memories of the torture the night before and then the memories of the “game” Wilkes had made him play.  
“I’d rather not go for round two, if you don’t mind.” Neal said with a little attitude and then he wished he had just managed to stay silent but his month seemed to like taunting those who wanted to hurt him, it had gotten him in trouble before.  
“Sorry Neal, but I will make you give yourself to me, you’ll eventually realize that I’m meant for you and you’ll know you belong to me and you will beg me to take what is mine. You’ll give yourself to me like a gift.” Julian said as he grabbed Neal’s wrists and secured them, Neal wasn’t able to keep it from happening, there most have been something still in his system. His ankle was released and he was dragged over to a Saint Andrew’s cross this time and secured to the giant wooden “X” back to the cross facing out.  
“The muscle relaxant takes longer to wear off in case you wanted to know why you aren’t feeling quite yourself. The other isn’t totally out of your system yet either, I like you pliable.” Julian said as he rummaged around in the toy cabinet, coming back with the blindfold and put it on Neal.  
“I said I wasn’t got to fuck you until you asked, I didn’t make any other promises, so tonight’s game is a bit different then last night’s.” Julian said as Neal tried to determine what he was doing by sound. He wasn’t able to tell what was happening but he did feel the heat from Julian’s body when he got close and pressed a kiss onto Neal’s neck and then bit down leaving the sport marked and tender. Then he ran his hands down Neal’s body tweaking his nipples, pulling and sucking them. Neal tried to think of a cold shower trying not to let Julian see that it was getting to him. Neal knew that it wasn’t his fault, the body responds to stimuli and it’s beyond his control but he still feels some shame because he’s getting hard.  
Julian takes notice and gets the cock ring, it’s one of his favorite things, one day he’ll train Neal to hold off or come on command but for now he likes using it to control Neal’s climax. Neal feels the ring go on and tears up behind the blindfold he doesn’t want this and yet he can’t help the responses that are forced from him. Julian continues the stroking and playing with his nipples and once he’s ready he pinches them and fastens a set of clamps on them, Neal whimpers and the sound goes strait to Julian’s cock and it gets harder, he’ll have to deal with it later and he knows just how to.  
Neal is flushed and he just loves the way Neal looks, tonight’s lesson is going to help ease the way for when he gets what he wants so he gets the latex gloves, the toys and the lube, he puts on the gloves and adds a little lube and kneels down and spreads Neal’s cheeks with his left hand and then with the right he slides a finger into Neal.  
“No! No! Don’t please, you said you weren’t going to until I asked. Stop! Please!” Neal said in a panic as tear seeped out from behind the blindfold.  
“I said I wasn’t going to fuck you until you asked, I never said I wasn’t going to do anything else. Now am I going to have to gag you? Oh wait no one can here you here, so I don’t have to, and like I said last night, scream. I like it when you do, it tells me I’m doing it right.” Julian said as he continued to stroke his finger in and out of Neal, he added a second finger and Neal just whimpered, cried and shook, trying to block out what was happening. Soon Julian had three fingers inside Neal and was stretching him open, when he judged that Neal was open enough he lubed up a decent sized butt plug and slid it in. Even with the stretching and the muscle relaxant still in in his system it felt huge and burned a little going in and Neal hissed as at seated deeply in him and his muscles held it there. Neal had never felt so violated he couldn’t stop the tears now and even with the cock ring he felt his erection start to fade.  
Julian must have noticed because he started to stroke it whisper into Neal’s ear “We can’t have that now, can we?” and soon between the stroking, the pressure on his nipples and the invader in his ass he was fully hard again. Julian seemed to be thoroughly enjoying his suffering and was kissing and biting him again and he wasn’t careful about the marks, he wanted to see his marks on Neal’s body and looked forward to the day Neal looked forward to it too.  
When he was done with leaving teeth marks where he please he got the crop out and used it liberally on Neal’s inner thighs and stomach, he waited until it looked like Neal was used to the pain enough to tune it out and that’s when he switched to a cane and left some nasty marks on his thighs and kept it up until Neal screamed. That made him smile and he grabbed the crop again and using very small controlled movements he used it on Neal’s erection still held rigid by the wicked little ring. Neal wasn’t even making sense anymore he was beyond words and when Julian put the crop away and took the ring off Neal’s cock just went flaccid, it was like he had nothing left he was just hanging from the manacles still conscious but not able to hold himself up. Julian took off the blindfold and the clamps, the fresh surge of pain as they came off caused Neal’s eyes to snap open.  
Julian took in the sight of Neal wearing his marks and drained from pleasing him and knew this was what he was meant for. He open his fly and took out his achingly hard erection and in just a few strokes brought himself off all over Neal’s chest. Then he wiped himself off and let Neal down and carried him to his room, gently rubbed salve onto his thighs and attached the ankle chain and spooned behind Neal and held him, Neal didn’t have anything left and just let him. Neal knew that he was going to end up giving up and giving in sooner then he thought. He thought about the option he’d discarded when he thought of the window. It was a last option but at least he had that if he had too, he just wasn’t sure if he could do it but it was better then a life of this treatment. He was trying to hold it together but he could still feel the plug inside him and Julian wrapped around him and he cried hating that it was probably turning Julian on watching him be this way. He fell asleep or passed out in the end it didn’t matter, what mattered was that being unconscious was better then being awake.  
When he woke he was alone and still covered in Julian’s dried, eww he just couldn’t think about it. He got up to use the sink and the plug shifted in his ass and he started to cry, Julian had left his hands locked together and he was realizing just how much his entire body hurt, the muscles of his arms and shoulders had been over taxed supporting his weight for too long and he was sure that his wrists weren’t doing very well under the shackles.  
He looked up at the sunlight that filtered through the pine tree and whispered “Someone, anyone please I want out. Help…” and he just lay back down feeling to defeated to worry about the jizz, the plug or anything he lay there and just tried to drift away, he wished Julian would come and give him another dose of what ever he had used to get him to shower. He felt disappointed in himself, he was on the verge of giving up after only two days of Julian’s attention. Mercifully he did drift back into a dreamless sleep.

***

“We found Devereux, we are putting together the final plan and we’ll be going in about half an hour, if all goes as planned he’ll be in custody in a few hours and we’re guessing that where he is, is where he’s keeping Neal.” Peter informed his team as they were getting their equipment and weapons ready to take him down. “I’m hoping everything is going to be fine but he’s had Neal for almost a week so we need to be ready for just about anything.” Peter added as he went to then staging area, they were taking a helicopter to the closet air field and meeting up with local agents, police and emergency responders.  
El and Mozzie were driving to the town closest to Devereux’s farm house and getting enough rooms at the local hotel for the team. They were excited and hopeful to see Neal again, Mozzie didn’t want to alarm El but he was pretty sure that Neal wasn’t getting out of this without a trip to the hospital, he knew too much about Devereux’s history to assume that he hadn’t touched Neal. He just hoped that Neal was still in one piece and breathing. The drive would take about four hours and the rescue should be over by the time they got there, the waiting was still tense but the end was in sight.

***  
Julian went to see Neal, he should be up and ready to eat by now. He found him laying on his side curled up still covered in last night’s mess. His eyes were closed and he wasn’t responsive, his skin was chilled but he was still breathing so Julian unlocked the ankle chain and carried him to the shower, set Neal on the stall floor and turned on the cold water. Neal woke up in full fight or flight mode and scrambled back into the corner away from the water and Julian. Julian gradually warmed up the water now that Neal was back in the waking world.  
“You scared me babe, I thought you might have slipped away from me and we can’t have that. Now clean up and join me out here, you have five minutes.” Julian informed Neal as he watched Neal try to wash with his hands still locked together. He finally managed to get clean and out of the shower. As soon as he stepped out Julian was there wrapping him in a soft fluffy towel and going back to acting like a doting lover. The switch from one extreme to the other was very disconcerting and Neal wasn’t sure how to respond so he just let Julian do as he pleased.  
“Oh, I knew I forgot something.” Julian said as he tapped the end of the plug still lodged in Neal’s ass. “I guess we can just leave it while we play, unless you want me to change it out for a different one?” he asked as he led Neal to the center of the room. “So what shall we do tonight? You’ve tasted the cross and the ceiling hook, what about the spanking horse? Or maybe stocks? I guess you don’t really have a say so lets go to the horse, this way there isn’t too much pressure on your wrists and arms, they took a lot of strain last night.” Julian said as he led Neal to the horse and guided him into the right position, laying length wise on the top, knees and legs resting on the padded shelves then he clipped the manacles to the rings so Neal was unable to do anything but stay where he was put. He didn’t protest or even resist he just let Julian do as he pleased. Julian was a bit disappointed that Neal was just going along with it, he hadn’t really seen a reaction from him since the cold water. He’d have to do something about that and he would have to avoid the areas he worked over last night since Neal’s thighs still had the marks from the cane and there were still teeth marks and bruises all over, his ass wasn’t too bad it had a day or so to heal and he hadn’t been to hard on it. He did play with the plug a bit first pulling it out a little then letting it go and watching the muscles pull it back into place. That got a moan from Neal.  
Julian decided to use his bare hand and left some nice hand prints on Neal’s ass occasionally grabbing the back of Neal’s collar and pulling it back making it hard for Neal to breathe, that got a panicked reaction the Julian delighted in and then he went back to spanking him. When his hand started to ache he got a small leather covered paddle and after a few whacks with that Neal was fully involved in the moment, crying and making the noises the Julian so adored. He didn’t scream but then that wasn’t what Julian was aiming for tonight he just wanted to make sure that Neal had a reminder of just who was in charge. Julian managed to work Neal’s ass to a very deep red and there was just a bit of bruising, his skin was almost hot to the touch and Julian was just about to change to the cane when he heard the crash form upstairs and the sounds of people searching the house.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t get enough time with you, I wanted to make you my perfect lover but like I said the second time we met no one leaves me and no one gets what is mine. I had this for just in case.” Julian says as he grabs another syringe fills it and plunges it into Neal’s hip and empties it. “I don’t have time to find a vein so it’ll take a bit but you’ll just drift off.” Julian leaves the needle where it is and slips out the storm door seconds before the basement door is kicked in and Peter and Jones check for Devereux and spot Neal.  
“What the hell did they do too him?” Jones asks as he watches Peter check Neal’s pulse and grabs the syringe and pulls it out.  
“Save this and see if you can find what he was given we’ll need it for the hospital and get the paramedics down here.” Peter said as he tried to take in what he was seeing. Neal looked bad and he was breathing but it was very shallow and ragged. He was covered in marks and then Peter noticed the base of the plug still peeking out of his ass. He wanted to pull it out but he wasn’t sure if he’d hurt Neal by doing that. Removing the syringe was one thing but he just wasn’t sure what to do. He waited by Neal and tried to figure out what he should be doing to help when he heard gunfire from outside, someone must have found Devereux, Peter really hoped that he was dead, after seeing Neal he never wanted to worry about him again, and dead was more permanent then prison.  
The paramedics came rushing down and it took them a few seconds to asses what they should do, then undid the restraints took his vitals and got him onto a gurney and on the way to the hospital as fast as they could, luckily Jones had found the vial and handed it to one of the paramedics to take with them along with the syringe so they could figure out just what Neal had been injected with.  
Peter felt sick just looking at where Neal had been held for almost a week, it felt like much longer and he didn’t want to even think about what happened here. He slowly left and let the evidence techs do their jobs and went out into the yard to see who got Devereux and just what part of him was hit.  
“Peter, are you ok?” Cruz asked as he walked out.  
“I don’t know I think I may be sick, what happened to Devereux?” Peter asked as he sat on the hood of the nearest car and tried not to think about Neal.  
“Dead, he shot at one of the local cops and took one in the head and a few in the chest.” She said looking in the direction the ambulance had gone in. “How is Neal?” she asked.  
“I’m not sure, he was holding on when we got to him but Devereux tried to overdose him on something and that was probably the kindest thing he did to Neal, you don’t want to see where he was kept, I wish I could erase it from my mind.” Peter said as he looked around to see who was still around.  
He was hoping to find someone to give him a ride to the hospital, he probably should have ridden in with Neal but his mind hadn’t been processing things well, who was he kidding it still wasn’t. His stomach heaved and he ran for a bush and threw up several times and wasn’t aware he had company until Cruz handed him a bottle of water to rinse with.  
“I’ll give you a ride to the hospital I don’t think you should be driving right now.” She said as she herded him to the car. Peter was grateful he didn’t have to think at the moment he just went along and hoped that Neal was still alive when he got there, as long as he made it they could take as long as Neal needed to fix things.

They got to the hospital and Cruz went to get an update as Peter sat down in the waiting room trying to get his mind back together. He felt lost and dizzy, he just wanted this to be over and Neal to be alright.  
“They got him stable, but they almost lost him. His respiratory system was severely depressed by whatever Devereux gave him. They are cautiously optimistic that he’ll be fine physically, most of what was done to him was painful but not to damaging. He also wasn’t fed very much his blood sugar is really low and he was also pretty dehydrated. They will probably want him to see some sort of counselor and maybe go into therapy when we get him home. Right now they’re just waiting for the drugs to leave his system. His blood work shows he have been dosed quite a few time with various muscles relaxants and some psychoactive drugs that cause euphoria, they aren’t sure what he’ll even remember.” Cruz told him.  
“Thanks for finding out I just don’t know what I’m feeling I’m not dealing with this very well am I? It’s Neal he’s not supposed to have things like this happen to him.” Peter said as he sighed and tried to figure out exactly what to say to El and Mozzie. This was going to be the hardest call he ever had to make but at least he didn’t have to tell them Neal had died. He was alive and hopefully he would be lucky enough to have the last week erased by the drugs he’d been given. It would be the most merciful thing, they could hope but until Neal was awake it was going to be hard.  
He got up and walked out to the parking lot to use his cell phone and get some fresh air. Dialing El’s phone seemed to be harder then he remembered but she picked up before the first ring had even finished.  
“He’s alive, Devereux is dead.” He said trying to relay the important information as quickly as he could. He heard her and Mozzie start asking questions and all he could say was get here, he’s going to need us.  
He must have said goodbye or maybe he just hung up he wasn’t sure but soon El and Mozzie were there asking questions and thinking about trying to explain what happened sent him running for the bathroom and that action in and of itself seemed to have given them a clue. When he came back out Lauren was explaining Neal’s physical condition but she didn’t see where he was kept and the things that had been done to him. Peter and Jones had seen that and both of them wanted desperately to un-see it. Peter didn’t want to have to talk about it.  
A doctor finally came out to say that Neal was waking up but unsure of where he was and what was going on and it might help to have someone he recognized with him to keep him calm. Peter, El and Mozzie headed off toward the room where Neal was laying on the hospital bed looking almost as pale as the sheets, very still and un-Neal like, but he was more animated then had had been so it was a step in the right direction. Looking at him Peter could tell he was fighting the return to the waking world and Peter wasn’t sure he blamed him, but El and Moz were there talking to him and trying to encourage him to come back to them and open his eyes, telling him that he was safe and in the hospital. Finally after an hour of talking and holding his hand and Neal opened his eyes and moaned, he looked around and saw Moz and El and tried to smile but he saw Peter’s expression and the sad, haunted look in his eyes told him enough to know who found him. He started to tear up and pretty soon he was sobbing and holding onto El and trying not to fall apart.  
Part of him was glad to have been found and alive and part of him had hoped that last injection in the basement had finished him off. He didn’t know how really felt or how he was supposed to feel. He just kept crying, eventually he’d have to say something but right now he just couldn’t think of anything to say. Eventually the doctor came by to check on him and let him know they were keeping him for a day or two to make sure the drugs had left his system. He mentioned seeing one of the counselors but Neal still wasn’t talking, he just nodded at the doctor and tried to go back to sleep. Peter convinced El and Moz to go back to the hotel and get something eat and maybe get cleaned up and come back with the bag they packed for Neal, since he was sure Neal would appreciate something other then the drafty hospital gown. They agreed and left, Neal looked at Peter and tried not to start crying all over again. He was sure that he was going to run out of tears.  
“Neal, I’m so sorry. This should never have happened to you.” Peter said as he sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand and held it.  
Neal finally found his voice. “Do they know what happened?” He asked.  
“No, I was able to figure out some of it considering what I saw when I found you. I think that if you want them to know you can tell them but for now the only people that know what happened are Jones, the paramedics, doctors, a few crime scene techs and myself. They didn’t even see the marks other then the ones on your wrists and neck everything else is covered.” Peter told him.  
“So what’s the damage? The doctor said I had to stay until the drugs cleared my system but what else am I looking at?” Neal asked.  
“Physically nothing to bad, low blood sugar, dehydration and the rest is all just bruises and strained muscles. You’ll be good as new in a week or two, though they did almost loose you. What ever he gave you at the end depressed your system, I’m pretty sure it was meant to kill you but he didn’t get it into a vein so there was time to get you stable.” Peter said as he caressed Neal’s hand without really noticing what he was doing.  
“You know there were a couple of times I was hoping that he killed me or overdosed me, I had even figured out how I could end it myself if it got to be too much. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was.” Neal said looking down at the hand with the IV in it.  
Peter slowly reached out to Neal and cupped his chin, when Neal didn’t panic at the touch Peter tilted his chin up so they were making eye contact again. “You are stronger then you can understand, you survived. You’re still here, he’s dead he can never touch you again. You will heal and you have a lot of people that will help you get though this, just keep that in mind. If you decide you want to talk to a professional I’m sure that we can find one for you and the Bureau will pick up the tab. Don’t worry about anything but taking care of yourself and letting us, your friends take care of you too.” Peter said and released Neal’s chin. Neal didn’t look away but tears started collecting in his eyes again, he blinked them away and reached up and Peter knew just what to do, he bent down to gather Neal into his arms and held him through the latest batch of tears. They were still holding each other when Moz and El returned.  
They dropped off the bag and were kind enough to leave the room as Peter helped Neal put on a pair of silky pajamas. Neal felt better just being covered.  
“You know this is the first time in a days I’ve had pants on. He kept me naked and chained most of the time. These don’t seem to fit like they used too. How long did he have me?” Neal asked.  
“Almost a week.” Peter answered as he slid the IV bag down the sleeve of the pajama top and hung it back up, then buttoned up the top and pulled the blanket back up.  
“I only remember one meal clearly, I know I had more but all I remember is a breakfast and that turned out to be drugged. I know I had water to drink and he never did get what he wanted. I guess in that way I was strong, he said he wasn’t going to do that to me until I begged him to. I was strong enough to hold out and keep saying no, it didn’t stop him from hurting me and other things but he never had me in that way.” Neal said as he tried to remember exactly what happened most of it was clear but there were parts that were fuzzy, probably from when he was drugged.

“Now that your covered and feeling a bit more social want to reassure my wife and your friend that you’re up to talking?” Peter asked, Neal nodded and Peter waved them back in.  
“Neal, when you get out I’d like you to consider staying with Peter and I for a while. I don’t want to let you out of my sight for a while. I think we need to get a few good meals and make a batch of cookies or two into you as well.” El said.  
“Oh my god! Did someone let June know you found me, I bet she’s worried.” Neal said in a panic.  
“I took care of it, don’t worry.” Moz said.  
Neal relaxed hearing that, he didn’t want to have her worried about him, she had enough on her plate.  
A nurse came over to check his vitals and draw some blood to check what was still floating around in it. She also took the time to let them know that they had about ten minutes before visiting hours were over and they would need to leave.  
The look on Neal’s face must have given away how he was feeling, he didn’t want to be left alone.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll abuse my badge and stay here tonight, even if I have to tell them I’m guarding you.” Peter assured Neal and Neal relaxed a bit more.  
“Why don’t you too go back to the hotel and I’ll see you in the morning, I’ll stay.” Peter said to El and Moz, “oh and bring good coffee in the morning please?” he added as they reluctantly left.  
“About guarding me, do you think it might be necessary? Julian might be gone but he had three men with him and I can’t remember anything about them. Do you think they might come after me?” Neal asked.  
“All the more reason for me to stay, though I don’t think you need to worry. We didn’t find any signs of anyone else so once they weren’t needed they probably left. We will keep a look out for them because they need to pay but I really don’t think you’re in danger anymore.” Peter said and he picked up Neal’s hand and started caressing it again.  
“Good, I really don’t want to have to worry about that too, I have enough I’m going to have to work through without looking over my shoulder. I’m holding up right now but I think a lot of it’s the last of whatever he gave me, I feel fine and like a total mess at the same time, like I’m still not quite connected to the world.” Neal said and then yawned.  
“Maybe you should rest, I’ll be right here if you need me.” Peter brushed Neal’s hair out of his eyes. He watched Neal snuggle into the pillow and close his eyes and fall asleep. Peter had known that Neal was putting up a brave front, he was a good actor and when everything was out of his system and he had time to think about everything and let himself really feel, that’s when he’d have problems. Dwelling on things made them worse, the quicker they got him home and feeling safe the sooner he’d open up and deal with it all. They just had to be there for him when it happened and help hold him together. He was glad that El had insisted Neal stay with them for a while it would make keeping an eye on him easier. Peter was very upset the Neal had considered death to escape but he was glad the it hadn’t come too that.  
Peter closed his eyes and now that Neal was asleep and no one was around to see he cried, letting out his feeling of helplessness and loss. Neal would never be the same, he’d probably get back to being himself but there would always be a wariness about him, Peter had seen this before in agents that had been held hostage and sometimes worse. Peter eventually fell asleep in the chair next to Neal’s bed, and dreamt vague dreams of loss, sometimes it was El and then Neal but they all vanished when he woke to the sound of Neal pleading with someone not to hurt him. Neal’s panicked voice brought him out of a sound sleep. Peter realized there was no danger in the first few seconds and then tried to ease Neal out of his nightmare, it took a moment or two to wake him up and get him calmed down.  
“Sorry about that.” Neal whispered.  
“I was expecting it, you’re allowed to let it out, you can’t hold it in, even when you try and lock it away in the corner of your mind the feelings and memories seep out, trust me, it’s better to confront it head on, deal with it and move on. You can get back to being yourself and feeling alright just let yourself feel how you feel, no putting up a brave front, you don’t have to cope alone. I might not know the details but I know enough to know that this isn’t just going to go away overnight, give yourself some time.” Peter said as he tried to get Neal to relax back to sleep. It took a while and a few more tears slipping down Neal’s cheeks but he did get back to sleep and slept the rest of the night without waking.

A nurse came in to take another blood sample and then the orderly showed up with what could be described as a light breakfast, it didn’t look very appetizing but Neal dug into it without a word and when El and Mozzie turned up with coffee and a few bagels, he snagged one of those too. At least his appetite was coming back and the hazy feeling he had on and off for the last week was finally all but gone. He liked it since it helped him distance himself from what had been happening but it also kept him from thinking clearly and that made him uncomfortable. He felt lost and went from wanting to be alone to wanting to be held, he wanted to cry and scream but he didn’t want to upset El, Peter knew enough about what happened and Mozzie knew enough about Julian and the first time that he could make an educated guess as to what happened, there was no need to upset El with the details. The doctor chased everyone out for a few minutes and asked him how he felt, gave him a once over and then told him that he was fine enough to go home once the IV was done. He went over the discharge instructions and suggested strongly a visit to his own doctor and getting some counseling, Neal told him to give Peter the paperwork and go over everything with him since he wasn’t really feeling up to remembering it all. The doctor gave him a sad look and left, that look just made Neal feel worse, was everyone he ran into going to know he had been… he didn’t want to think about it anymore, he’d deal with it at home and let Peter deal with the doctor.

They finally got everything squared away the discharge papers were signed and they were headed home. The ride was pretty quiet with Neal sitting in the backseat leaning on the window staring out. He was trying to organize his thoughts, it didn’t happen as quickly as it usually did. He used to be so on top of things, his brain processing thoughts and strategies in seconds and right now it felt like his brain was moving slow. He alternated between tears quietly slipping down his face and thinking and feeling nothing. El saw him tense up when the hit a pot hole and since she had chosen to sit in the back seat with him put a hand on his shoulder. Neal looked at her and understood what she was offering without her having to say anything he shifted a bit and leaned on her and she just held him for the next few hours as they headed back to familiar surroundings, the brought him home and that was good enough for the moment.

The first night he tried to sleep in the guestroom and between nightmares he somehow had ended up sleeping between El and Peter, the while first week that seemed to be the way it went, Peter took that week off and tried to get Neal to go talk to a professional but Neal just looked at him with a pout and he and Neal would take Satchmo for a long walk and Neal would pour out how he was feeling, details of what happened and just about anything that came to mind and after the walk and talk and some playing with Satchmo, Neal was more like himself.  
He finally was able to spend the night by himself in the guestroom usually with a few tense moments when he woke up from a nightmare but they were becoming less frequent. His talks with Peter eventually turned to getting back to work and being normal again. Peter said he’d see what they needed to do to get him back on board, he was sure there would at least be a psych eval and a mandatory counseling session but he wasn’t sure if they needed anything else. Peter said he’d find out and let him know, while Peter was out Neal took a cab to visit June and let her see that he was doing well. They had tea and Neal went up to his room and just enjoyed being around his things, Peter’s house was comfortable but this had been home for a over year now and it was nice being here, even if he were going back to Peter’s later. He grabbed a sketchbook and some pencils and went out to the park and drew for a while, he was trying to get back to being himself and Peter was right everyone was being supportive but not invasive, he was slowly reclaiming his life and it felt right.  
The eval and counseling went fine, they said he was fit to go back to consulting but they wanted him to see someone once a week until they felt he was alright to go back out of the office. The tracker seemed to have been totally forgotten and Peter didn’t want to even consider how Neal would react to having something fastened around his ankle again after his ordeal. If Neal was going to run he never would have asked to come back to work or gone though the evaluation and counseling. Peter knew he wasn’t going to run anytime soon and the rest of the team, even Hughes agreed with Peter this time.

Six weeks after he got out of the hospital he was cleared to go back in the field with Peter and that weekend they went to dinner the four of them and celebrated. Neal was still getting his sparkle back, it was taking a while but between his counselor, his talks with Peter, the support of El and Mozzie and the unconditional adoration from Satchmo, Neal felt like himself more every day, his art had taken a dark twist for a while but it was getting back to his style, he was doing a lot of original works and that seemed to be helping too, like he was purging himself of the things that had been done to him through art. He hardly had nightmares anymore and he was actually flirting again, not as much as he used to but he was feeling like he wanted to again. He was even back to brilliant schemes just coming to him in seconds, not that he acted on them but at least he was thinking at his usual speed again.  
He knew he couldn’t rush it, but he had come along enough that he could see his own progress and it gave him hope and that helped him heal faster. It would take a while but he’d be back, he was sure of it and so were his friends and they never gave up or let him down so he trusted their judgment. Everything was going to be fine, eventually and the next time Peter told him to stay in the car he’d just smile and do as he pleased.


End file.
